“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bull@!#$ story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.” - Jordan Belfort
I have a young son that is learning about this self defeating thought process. As most children at some point must learn, my son has learned how to tie his shoes. The first few attempts were shaky at best, and the complaint was usually that the shoe did not tie tight enough. As time progresses, the mind changes from "I don't know how to tie my shoes," to "I can do it." There is actually a sense of pride in the fact that something new has been learned. Unfortunately, it has progressed beyond these words to, "Dad, will you tie my shoe for me." As a father, I have adopted the theory that if my son has been taught, and if he has exhibited the ability to do for himself, that which he is asking me to do, then I choose not to offer assistance. As you might imagine, this has not always been a popular decision with my son. I usually attempt to articulate to my son the reasoning behind my apparent madness. At some point in the exchange, I ask him why he doesn't want to tie his own shoes and his response is, "because I can't."
The really amazing point of this is that he can. I know he can, because I have seen him do it. He knows he can, because he has done it in the past. The issue is that once he utters those words, "I can't," then he is done. He is absolutely right. He has effectively limited his own potential and no amount of coaxing will bring him back to his senses, until he decides that once again... he can.
How often do we entertain this thought in ourselves. We might have heard this limiting phrasing before. "I am not a runner, I could never run a marathon." "I am not pretty enough, no one would date me." "I am not smart enough, school isn't my thing." We have all heard these statements swirling around us, and if we are really honest, we may have uttered these words ourselves.
The truth is we can do it, and it does not matter what it it is that we are thinking about doing.
So, here is the challenge. Remove these thoughts from our lives, work to remove the limits that we place on ourselves because we can achieve greatness. We can dream for something more than what or where we are right now. We may have to be patient with the circumstances that we find ourselves in currently, but by removing from our vocabulary the words "I can't," and replacing them with the words "I can," incredible things can, and will happen.
The word "can't" is forbidden in our home and the offender has to do push-ups (one for each year of their age). The push-ups remind them that hard things make us stronger. We don't hear the word very often anymore. ;-) Great post.
ReplyDeleteThere are things we can change, obstacles we can overcome. Sometimes, though, it seems to me that our energy and time will be better expended working within our mortal limitations, rather than trying to overcome them.
ReplyDeleteAs an example, I play violin. I love to play violin. I'm not a very good player, but I really enjoy it. I practice from time to time (more so in the weeks leading up to a concert). Could I be great? With enough practice? If I practiced 6 hours a day for the next year, would I be a better violinist at the end?
Probably.
Would I be good enough to make my millions?
Not likely.
And what of all the other more important things I would have neglected to achieve that goal?
I guess my point is that it's maybe not really a question of "can I" or "can't I" do something. For me, the more difficult question is "Is it worth it the exchange?"